The Not so Obvious Good Days

I hate feeling stuck. I have the motivation to chug along and give everything I got but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. Ahh welcome to the magical world of brainstorming. I am trying to come up with a topic proposal for speech class yet this stage is so frustrating because I am in such a conflict. I don’t want to feel like I’m being lazy when it comes to coming up for new ideas and yet at the same time I don’t want to make the mistake of going down the rabbit hole and intensely focusing on things that won’t get me anywhere. Ugh the curse of a creative overthinker. Letting go of your grip will allow you to save enough strength to take the brain-teaser by the reins tomorrow. You see though that’s hard for me. I always feel a sense of immediacy, a sense of I better get this done as soon as possible so I don’t end up screwed later. While one could say this is a positive trait considering it is the opposite of procrastination I have to understand that I can’t just replace the extreme of procrastination with the alternative extreme of cramming everything I have to get done into the disorder of an incomplete study session. Am I becoming lazy? Yet I forget that what I am doing right now is necessary or else I wouldn’t have come to it, that just venting even if it be to the lifelessness of a piece of a paper helps clear my thoughts and helps me feel better when my self-esteem is challenged on a day that I don’t feel as competent or as smart as I would like to feel. 

If you asked me what the problem was before I started typing here there is no way I could have defined to you anything singular and would probably have told you that I’m having a long day. Yet now after writing, the thoughts I didn't know I had revealed themselves. These experiences I went through today don’t feel anything close to formative, they feel lackluster and insignificant. Yet I know as unproductive as this day seemed this shaped me in ways I can’t fully understand yet, implanting within me positive character qualities that will help me in the future. That goes to what Les Brown said, “Don’t say you had a bad day, say you had a character-building day.” And that’s what this day was. Because of a healthy attitude and the grace of God I was relatively happy today so I don’t want to give the impression that I am going through hell. What I'm saying is that today was one of those days where I have to learn to have faith that experiences that I wouldn't choose if I had the choice are the very experiences that are shaping the man that I’m supposed to grow up into. You might think you didn’t learn anything today but truth be told you learned something very valuable. I promise you the days where you feel excited for your work and where you feel productive will come again, they always do make their return, just don’t underestimate the very valuable lessons you get on days where you don’t seem to be in that flow so to speak. Now I must go. I really have to go catch my bus and buy some pants(What?I really need a new pair of jeans). Just remember the next time you feel as if your day was wasted, even if it’s not as apparent as other days, know that this day, a day you will never live again, this day positively shaped who you will become. Now if the addicted writer in me will ever let me conclude what turned into a nearly half hour rant I must end this post. Just know I hope you have a good day, regardless of whether it’s apparent or not that you had a good day.